This week I’ve been kind of stumped as to what to write. A lot has been going on recently, personally, and it’s been difficult to focus on something that I plan on sharing with other’s that won’t be depressing. So I’m just going to write and see how this blog post turns out.
Like I said a lot has been going on recently, my sister if you’ve glided over to her Youtube Channel at all, talks a lot of depression and mental health issues because she too is dealing with anxiety and depression. And while I have shared a bit about my own struggle with anxiety and I think have mentioned my own bout of depression, I’ve never gone in-depth not wanting to share too much online.
However, I think people learn from other’s stories, I know I have and would like to share my own, not every little detail, but overall the experience and what I gained from it.
It’s was back in 11th grade, my first semester had been tough, I was trying to focus on myself a bit more instead of worrying about my sister all the time. I don’t think I quite realized how big of a transition that was going to be mentally, and there were also other countless issues that needed my attention. I missed a lot of school and got behind in classes. Especially math which is when I really knew I was in trouble because I’ve always been good at math and ended up with a 65% as my final mark. My lowest grade for all of high school.
By second semester, I struggled through a couple more months, and then finally hit rock bottom, and stopped going to school altogether. And then I did something kind of amazing in my opinion. I got fed up with myself, I was sick of lying in bed all day, and was hit with this sort of motivation. Over the next few weeks I did things that made me happy (i.e. writing, reading, drawing, etc.) and I blasted the music, and I kept myself busy and eventually it was enough to get me back to school.
By then I had some classes switched around (namely Physics was dropped and was now a spare), and the stress seemed to melt away a little bit. I kept doing the things that made me happy, stuck to a routine, and always took time to myself. As an INTJ I need solitude, and while I was getting a lot of that when I was depressed it was more of a negative me-time, with not a whole lot of positive thoughts.
For Grade 12, everything seemed a little bit better, I had my bad days, and I still do, but I was happier, more myself. I stopped settling for things I didn’t really want, I switched out of classes that I knew I wouldn’t like, and into classes I knew I would thrive in (namely Law and World Issues). I was enjoying school again and enjoying blogging, and writing.
And to this day I still don’t fully understand how I just pulled myself out of a depression like that. I didn’t have any help; I just got tired of my own behavior, and said “No you can’t keep doing this to yourself Brittany.”
I think in part it’s because I’m an INTJ, but I also wonder if it’s how I was raised, my mother was a go-getter, someone who did everything well and never slacked, and I think I got some of those genes because if there’s one thing I always find a way to do its bounce back.
And I think everyone can benefit from learning how to do that, from changing how you think. Thoughts and the things we tell ourselves are quite possibly the most powerful thing in the world. Negative thoughts get this hold on us, and it only fuels the fire, but positive thoughts, switching from “I’m a failure,” to “screw you, I’m awesome,” can do wonders for your self-esteem.
If there’s one thing that the world can learn from INTJ’s it’s probably that you should never give up, there is always an answer, an explanation, or a solution; you just have to find it.
One more thing to add, yesterday was my 1st Blogiversary. And yes I am totally mentioning this a day late because I completely forgot.